BERLIN Day 3

Woken by a text and an image arriving on my phone from a dear friend, sent in error. Was intended for his girlfriend as a belated Valentine's message. Would love to share but having immediately realised his error he freaked, panicked and INSISTED I delete. Suffice to say they caused MUCH hilarity at this end and resulted in Rich and I spending the morning composing apt responses. Unfortunately not many words rhyme with 'labia' (which may indeed be either red or blue, as @bettybluetoyou will testify.)

Today was icy and windy. Bitte, in fact (haha, geddit?). After our breakfast eggs we set off up the riverside path, following the river Spree west past the Reichstag and the stonking brand new government buildings, which are BEAUTIFUL. Weirdly, I think Norman Foster was involved in their design. Anyway, there doesn't appear to be a lot of austerity going down in Berlin, ANGELA BLOODY MERKEL.

Generally speaking Berlin pavements are well-gritted. Not so the riverside path. Was compacted ice and having spent my last weekend at work manipulating fractured wrist after fractured wrist and cursing the idiots who go out in icy weather, I was a bit neurotic - a broken wrist is all I bloody need, frankly - and we literally tottered along to the Tiergarten - the massive park west of Brandenburg Gate. We picked our way through the park to the Victory Column, in the centre, which could be reached via a network of pristine subways and tunnels with sculptural light
installations and not a puddle of piss in sight (get that, Boris). Ironically, right in the middle was a busker, belting out 'Streets of London' and we joined in at the top of our echo-y voices. Was a surreal moment.

Tottered on through the park, and around the Zoological Gardens WHICH I REFUSED TO VISIT AS IT CONTAINS LARGE ANIMALS AND WHAT'S MORE SO SHOULD BLOODY YOU, and on to the western and hence surprisingly unattractive Charlottenburg. Went to KaDeWe, a Department store akin to Harrods, specifically to visit the Wintergarden restaurant on the top floor (as recommended by @smartie999 and @anotherjulia). Was lovely. You wouldn't belieeeeeve the buffet selections - which you pay for by weight; they weigh your plate at the till. Sorts the fat bastards out from the skinny bints. And the rich from the poor. Unfortunately, or fortunately, we'd not long had breakfast so we settled for a humungous cake each instead. Wonderful.

Traipsed on up the canal to Potsdamer Plaza. Didn't like it here AT ALL. All steel and metal and trying much too hard. You know the type.

Back up Eberstrasse, past the very bleak memorial to Murdered European Jews, and back to our new favourite bar - Boese-Buben Bar at the east end of Marienstrasse. Candlelit, wall-to-wall books and mellow music.

I reckon we've walked about six miles a day since we've been here. I reckon I deserve this glass of wine. I'd also like a foot massage please. Cheers, Big Ears.