The Stranded - Part 1

A volcano erupted in Iceland. You would've imagined this would have been of only passing interest to us, lying on a beach in Southern India. My husband Richard and I, and our daughters Holly (19) and Grace (17) had been lucky enough to enjoy a two week adventure tour of Kerala, finishing with two days relaxation at a beach hotel in Kovolam.   
Were due to fly home on Saturday 17th April. A 5am flight to Doha, then on to Heathrow, due to arrive at 13:15. Ha ha. God laughs at your plans.  
Apparently there is a cloud of ash and ice 10000ft above the UK, which tends to clog jet engines, so UK airspace is shut, pending further notice.  We were advised to turn up at the airport in Trivandrum to show willing, so heaved ourselves out of bed at 01:30 and duly attempted to check in at the airport. Chaos. Turned away as onward flight to Heathrow cancelled and whole of Middle East stuffed with disconnected Brits. 
Arrived back in Kovolam at 0300, at same time as horrendous thunder & lightening storm that took out Internet and TV in whole village. 
At that point I felt a little scared. And vulnerable. 
Next morning our travel company informed us they would pay our hotel accomodation for 2 days.  This was very good of them. It's not their fault after all. Neither is it the airline company's fault. Nor the UK airspace people. It's not even Iceland's fault. A volcano erupted, it's no-one's fault. Which is the very reason I've been drip feeding Virgin Travel Insurance money for the past 5 years for worldwide, family, 'Silver' cover. 
So, policy in hand, I called them to confirm they'd be covering the cost of accomodation until we were able to fly. I referred to section K - 'catastrophe'. This includes costs incurred as a result of your holiday being buggered up by 'fire, flood, earthquake, storm, lightening, explosion, hurricane or a major outbreak of an infectious disease'.
Was swiftly informed that Virgin Travel would not be covering accomodation costs incurred as a result of the volcanic eruption because it was the airline companies who were responsible. I questioned this. OK, airline companies may have made an indirect contribution via the unproven and sensationalist theory of global warming causing increased numbers of natural disasters, but they're clearly not directly responsible. No-one can make a volcano erupt, even I know that. 
'Nonsense!' I said. I read out section K of policy. 
'Yes, and I think you'll find, MADAM, that the words 'volcanic eruption' aren't included in Section K.' 
Sarcastic sod. I took his name. 
'And in anycase, MADAM,' he continued, 'a volcanic eruption would only be considered a catastrophe if you were actually there. In Iceland.'
I laughed. Out loud. So presumably you would have to be at the actual epicentre of an earthquake or a tsunami for it to 'count'? Or actually in a fire, struck by lightening, swept away by a flood, or sick with a major infectious disease before Virgin Money would consider your claim?
Remind me to cancel my policy with Virgin Money when I get home. I'll take one with Nat West, who I'm told by a fellow strandee, honour their deals. 
Anyway, it turns out that our holiday company, Exodus, who are also definitely not responsible for the eruption, are decent people and have agreed to pay for accomodation for all 30 groups of travellers with their company who are stranded worldwide, until they are able to get them home. Bloody brilliant company.
As far as places to get stranded go, this is pretty good. Unlike those poor poor people stuck in airports, we are stranded in a lovely hotel with a pool and a private beach on the Arabian Sea. Accomodation paid for, food cheap as chapattis. But, whoever said 'There's No Place Like Home' knew a thing or two, I can tell you. And whoever said 'No news is good News' was talking out of their arse.
It's end of season here. The only people left in this lovely hotel are The Stranded: four British families. One of the families have been our travelling companions for the whole trip. Will and Sally and their lovely 9 year old twins, Joe and Ellie. (Will is a travel writer. What a scoop). The other two families have been on a similar trip.  We bonded. We each had our own tables at breakfast, and our own space by the pool. We met in the Internet Room and exchanged news. We wandered the empty hotel corridors like dislocated souls. We feared the arrival of Jack Nicholson with an axe. We ran out of clean knickers. We have become The Stranded.
Tensions ebb and flow with each NATS update. Panic overlaps with passivity. The control freaks amongst us have had to learn to deal with it. Beer helps. Irritations are becoming irrational. The first murder victim in the future movie of The Stranded has identified himself, as has the murderer. 
Normally rational and intelligent adults, unaccustomed to utter impotency, are hatching hare-brained plans to get home. Like 'we'll get a boat'. And 'we'll phone the Foreign Office'.  
The other blessing is that the hotel has WiFi and I have an iPhone. Not only am I able to keep on top of the news, I am also able to access Twitter and FB. Those of you who are STILL sniffy about social networking sites need to get with the times. Not only are they a useful up-to-the-minute news resource (for example by following #ashtag and @heathrowairport) but they can provide real practical help. Like letting colleagues know what's happening, getting the papers cancelled and keeping track of what's going on at home. The wonderful @indiaknight started the #getmehome hashtag, enabling people to pool resources and help each other to get home. Unfortunately this isn't a lot of use to us, stuck in Kerala, but witnessing that Dunkirk spirit is good for the soul, and helps, in those doubtful moments at 2am, to reassure us that eventually we will get home. Eventually. 
Today, more 'strandees' have been appearing, in dribs and drabs, upsetting the crazed equilibrium of the original cast of The Stranded, and nicking the sunbeds at the pool. Worse, they are mostly German. The Stranded have dismissed their differences and regrouped. United we stand! Bring in the Royal Navy!
As you can see, this situation is driving me insane.